Things that make your vet happy #2 (and beyond…)
So by now it’s probably reasonably clear that I love LOLcats. And LOLdogs. Crazy maybe, closet nerd probably 
I’ve been a bit slow on the updating for the last couple of weeks, having to actually work and what not. I have more stories for later but thought I’d get a few pet peeves out of the way first.
Things That Will Make Your Vet Happy #2: Demonstrate an ability to follow simple instructions
I have come to realise that lots of people have difficulty with instructions. I’m willing to consider the possibility that I make things too complex, but I think it’s much more likely that some people are just kind of stupid.
Example: “I need you hold your dog’s collar to stop him from moving” This is probably one of the most difficult things I ask of people. I’ve tried rephrasing it several different ways and this one seems to have the best success (about 50%) now that it’s no longer a question but a direct statement. I think it’s pretty simple. You – the owner, hold the collar – attached to the dog’s neck, and this – by default – should mean that you’re now attached to the dog’s head and it can’t walk off. It’s apparently quite difficult. Often owners let go of the dog and hold the loop at the end of the lead. Or they hold the lead close to the collar, but then let it slip through their fingers as the dog walks under the examination table and ties itself in knots. Generally I’ve asked the owners to hold the dog still so I can do something like palpate the dog’s abdomen or take its temperature, both of which require that the dog stays in my general vicinity, or at least within arm’s reach.
Things That Will Make Your Vet Happy #3: Pay attention… This applies to life in general I suppose, but I’m constantly amazed (although by now I shouldn’t even be surprise) by how little people can know about what goes on around them. I have a list of general questions that I ask while collecting a history, like “How has Fluffy been lately?” or “Have you had any concerns about Fluffy?”. Owner can go on for ages, about this time they thought it was weird that Fluffy barked, or licked their butt, or how they don’t like the postman.
Now for the real stumpers:
a) What does Fluffy eat? –> about 50% manage “kibble”, “crunchies” or “nibbles”, or “the mince in a pouch / can”. A smaller percentage can identify something important about the food like “It’s got that vet on the front”, ”It says it’s natural”, “It’s in a silver bag” or “It’s for small dogs”. It’s a very small minority that can actually tell me the brand of food that their pet eats. I find it strange and vaguely amusing. I eat a strange mixture of puffed rice, flaky things that might be oats with a smattering of small seeds and fruit for breakfast. I don’t know what it’s called, but it comes from the aisle in the supermarket with other things that people eat for breakfast. *GASP* OMGWTFBBQ – it’s muesli, that’s it! But I’m easily distracted by shiny things so this time I just picked the most sparkly bag….
b) Has Fluffy had any vomiting or diarrhoea? –> Most common response to this is…… “Why!?! What’s wrong!!?!!!”. Nothing you frootloop, it’s just a question. Just like how I asked you whether they were coughing or sneezing, eating and drinking, is it the rhyming? – because I can stop that.
c) Is Fluffy up to date with heartworm prevention / flea treatments / intestinal worming? –> “I have no idea! I think my mother / brother / sister / boogie man / fairy god mother does that…” or “Is that yearly one / the thing she had when she was a puppy (2 years ago) / in her vaccine?” Er, no. Is remembering to do something monthly really that difficult? I suppose, given that people find it so hard to work out why it’s possible to get pregnant while using contraception…
Hoomans. Bah. Srsly.
